Title: Stones In The Ocean Author: Elizabeth L. Iacono (RhiaRamsay@aol.com) Rating: PG-13 (sensitive subject matter-child abuse and suicide) Category: Story, Romance, Angst Keywords: Pre-XF, Mulder/Scully Romance Spoilers: Amor Fati Summary: A thirteen-year-old Fox Mulder tries to commit suicide, but he meets someone who convinces him he's still got something to live for. Thanks to SexyPhile, Joey, and Lucy for their suggestions for the title. Archive: Gossamer, anywhere else just e-mail me to tell me where it's going. Feedback: Please? RhiaRamsay@aol.com Disclaimer: Most of them aren't mine, no point in pretending they are. I own Arianna Wight, Mark Elliot, and Flora. Stones In The Ocean Elizabeth L. Iacono June 29, 1975 Martha's Vineyard 4:30 p.m. Fox Mulder was tired. Tired of being blamed for his sister Samantha's disappearance, tired of the beatings his father gave him because of that, tired of feeling useless and unwanted, just tired of living. Which was what led him here, a cliff with a fifteen foot drop into the rocky ocean. He figured no one would miss him. Aside from his father, who beat him those rare times he was even home (he was spending more and more time at work lately), his mother was still wandering around in a daze, fluctuating between mourning for her lost daughter and going on an ill-fated search around the Vineyard to find her. He didn't feel loved anymore. He couldn't even remember what love felt like. Out of pure courtesy he left a note on the table in the entryway to let them know where to look for his body, if they even cared to look for him. Fox stared down the drop once more and took a deep breath. He backed up a few feet. He turned around to look back at the small towns of the Vineyard and knew there was nothing left for him back there. He turned back to the ocean and began to run, his long legs eating up the ground. When Fox hit the edge of the cliff he leapt into the air. First he felt himself rise up in the air and then his body began to fall, the wind ruffling his longish oak brown hair. For a minute he could have sworn he was flying, and the thought of being re-born as a bird, maybe an eagle or a hawk, crossed his mind. Fox hit the water feet first, and felt his body follow quickly after, slicing through the water. The water closed over his head and he felt the chill of the water seeping through his clothes. He banged his head on one of the rocks and he gasped and felt the water begin to fill his lungs. His eyes began to close and he let the darkness overtake him. Suddenly his eyes burst open and his jaw dropped. 'I really must be dead,' Fox thought. Sitting on a rock in the water not five feet away was a woman, probably somewhere between her late twenties and early thirties. Her not quite shoulder length red hair floated wildly in the water, and she had on a blue shirt and pants in an unfamiliar style. To Fox she almost seemed to personify the ocean. "Hi," the woman said with an enigmatic smile on her face. "Who are you?" Fox said, suddenly surprised that they could both talk and clearly at that. The woman crossed her legs in front of her. "You can call me Dana. But what about you? Who are you and what are you doing here?" Dana questioned. Fox hesitated a bit, trying to wrap his mind around what was going on. "I...I'm Fox," he said. "I'm guessing you don't like that name though," Dana said wisely. Fox bit his lip and nodded. "So why don't I call you something else then? What's your last name?" "Mulder," Fox said. fully convinced he was now dead and having some weird vision thing. "Mulder," Dana repeated. "I like it. Now for my second question: What are you doing here?" Fox sighed and ran a hand through his soaked hair. Dana gave him a sympathetic look and waved him over to sit on her rock. Fox found that with a kick of his legs sent him floating over to the rock and he sat himself down on it. Dana arched an eyebrow at him, silently urging him to answer her question. "I guess...I'm tired. I'm sick of dealing with a father that blames me and beats me and a space cadet for a mom. I just can't take it anymore!" "So that's why you decided to jump off this cliff and hope that it would all go away?" Dana said, looking up towards the surface. "I guess," Fox said, looking down at the rock. "But something's telling me, Mulder, that you're not telling me the whole story here," Dana said, bringing Fox back to attention. Fox wrung his hands together. This was the hard part for him, something he had trouble admitting to himself. Finally, over a choked back sob, he began to speak. "Sometimes, well most of the time, I don't think my parents love me. I mean, the way they act around me you'd think I was a total stranger rather than their own son! Sometimes I don't even remember what love really is..." he trailed off. Dana reached over and covered Fox's fidgeting hands with hers. "Listen to me Mulder, and listen well. Just because two people, regardless of whether they're your parents or not, don't seem to love you doesn't mean that no one does. You've got relatives who do, friends who care about you more than you think. And someday you'll find a woman who loves you just as much as you'll love her." "Yeah? How do you know?" Fox said stubbornly. Dana gently lifted his chin with her fingers to look him in the eye. "Trust me," she said with that enigmatic smile on her face. "I know you've had a hard time trusting people now but trust me. I've got no reason in the world to lie to you." She stood up and held a hand out to him. "Come on," she said gently. "Take my hand." Before Fox could stop himself his hand slid into hers and Dana pulled him to his feet. As she began to lead him he spoke up. "Where are we going?" he asked. "You're going back. No offense, Mulder, but it's not your time to go yet. You've got too many great things ahead of you to let yourself go now. And no, you don't have a choice in this so don't try to argue," Dana said with strong self-assurance. Dana led Fox back out of the water and up onto the small strip of beach, where he felt himself start to fall apart. The gash on his head was throbbing, and he could feel the water rattling around in his lungs. His legs gave out and he collapsed on the small stretch of sand between the rocks and the cliff. "Wha...what's happening to me?" he gasped, feeling the water move with every breath. Dana kneeled down and brushed his hair off his forehead, removing the strands from the blood trailing down the side of his face. "Don't worry, you'll be okay soon. Just remember that no matter how bleak things look, there's always someone there who loves you, and they'll always be there for you." With that Dana leaned down and kissed him full on the lips, a move he didn't expect. It was unlike anything he'd experienced before, maybe because the only other time he'd been kissed was during a game of spin the bottle at a party a few months back, but that wasn't it. This kiss was sweet and tender, he just knew somehow that Dana was being honest with it. He also noticed that rattling feeling of the water in his lungs was decreasing, and he inhaled deeply through his nose, feeling the fresh sea air fill his lungs. Dana slowly pulled back and gently stroked his cheek. "You'll be okay, Mulder, I promise." She leaned over once more and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, and Fox let his eyes fall closed and succumbed to the darkness again. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Arianna Wight drove her car through the streets of the Vineyard. She was here to visit her older sister, Tena Mulder. Actually it was more like to check up on her. Ever since Samantha's disappearance Tena kept withdrawing into her own little world more and more, with the help of a few pills the doctor prescribed for her 'nerves'. The one who was really suffering was Fox. Last time she visited them, that past spring, Fox had turned from the bright, intelligent, lively boy she had once knew to a scared person who had been robbed of his childhood and nearly cowered every time his father walked in the room. That was another reason she was making the trip up to the Vineyard. She was going to ask Tena (she knew right off that Bill didn't even care) if Fox could stay with her and her husband and their kids for the summer. They had a nice place, a large house settled in the Hudson River Valley about half an hour away from New York City. It was a convenient location because Fox's paternal grandparents lived in the city, who were much nicer than their son (Arianna always had trouble figuring out what had happened to Bill) and also because it was close to Yankee Stadium. Fox really loved baseball, especially the Yankees, and luckily her husband bought a box there through his company. Arianna thought it would be a nice change of pace for him to get away from his parents for a little while, especially while they finalized the terms of the divorce Fox didn't know anything about yet. She pulled her car up to the front of the Mulder's house, killed the engine and stepped out of the car. Sitting on the stoop of the house was a boy about Fox's age kicking at the dust with his sneakers. He looked up when he heard Arianna approaching. "Hello," she said. The boy looked suspiciously up at her. "Hi," he said warily. Arianna smiled at him. "I'm Mrs. Mulder's sister, Arianna Wight. I'm also Fox's aunt. Is anyone home?" she asked, guessing that there was some reason this boy was lounging around on the Mulder's stoop. "Nope," the boy said. "Fox was supposed to meet me here about half an hour ago, but no one's here." "Hmmm..." Arianna mused. She dug out her key to the Mulder's house (for emergencies) from her purse and began to walk up the stoop. "Well, let's go see if they left a note. By the way, what's your name?" she asked the boy conversationally. "Uh, Mark....Mark Elliot," the boy answered as he scrambled up the stairs after Arianna. Arianna unlocked the door and stepped into the still house, brushing her long dark hair out of her face. The place just seemed eerily still, she could feel her neck beginning to prickle. Her eyes scanned the entryway. Everything seemed normal, but her eyes stopped on the note perched on the table to the right of her, addressed 'To Whom It May Concern' in Fox's messy scrawl. She walked over to it and opened it. As she read down the note she felt her skin go clammy. "Shit," she kept muttering over and over to herself. She turned to Mark who was just about to head upstairs with an urgent expression on her face. "Do you know where Kemare Point is?" "Yeah," Mark said. "Why?" "Take me there," Arianna said as she rushed out to her car, Mark following in her wake. "You can ride with me," she said waving him into the passenger seat. Mark got into the car seat. "Why do you want to go there again?" he asked, and Arianna handed him the note. "Oh, shit," Mark said as he finished the letter. "We should have seen this coming." "Why?" Arianna asked, although she could make a good guess as to the why of the situation. "Well we all know that the family's been having problems since Samantha disappeared, this is sort of just like the icing on the cake," Mark said. "Stop the car!" he suddenly said, rolled down the window and leaned out of it as Arianna screeched to a halt. In the street was a girl who was about the same age as Mark and Fox riding a bike. "Hey, Mark," the girl called out. "Hey Flora," Mark answered. "Look, call the ambulance and tell them to get to Kemare Point immediately." "What's going on?" Flora asked. "We've got trouble," Mark said. "Trust me, I am not joking!" he nearly screamed. "Okay, I'll call them and then I'll meet you down there," Flora said, and sped off on her bike for the nearest house. "She's another friend of ours from school," Mark said to Arianna. "She'll get the ambulance there quickly." "Gotcha," Arianna said, and gunned the car even faster. Soon she was steering over the grassy plain that led to Kemare Point, the shocks on her car suffering with the wear. When she got as close to the cliff edge as she dared she cut the engine and leapt out of the car. She ran to the edge and peered over the side. At first all she saw was lots of water and rocks. But then her eyes caught the small patch of sand, and the form of a boy lying across it. "He's down there!" she called to Mark. "How can we get down there without breaking our necks?" "I think there's a path down that way," Mark pointed to where the land of the plain dipped lower to reveal a large stretch of beach. Arianna ran off in that direction. She stumbled a little when she encountered the sand, but she kept on. When the rocks got closer and closer together she had to pick her way across them more carefully, but finally, she saw Fox lying across the small patch of sand under the cliff, with soaked clothes and blood from a nasty gash on his forehead staining the sand around him. She dropped to her knees beside him and felt around his neck for a pulse. It was a little hard to find, but it was most definitely there. His breathing though was absent. "Do you know how to do CPR?" Mark asked. "Yeah," Arianna said, and prepared Fox the best she could, careful not to move his neck just in case it was broken. She pinched his nose and breathed into his mouth. Luckily after that first breath Fox began to cough, taking deep breaths. But he didn't manage to wake up. "Shouldn't he be waking up?" Mark said, looking back up the shoreline to see if the paramedics were coming. "Not with a knock on the head like that," Arianna said, stroking Fox's forehead. "He's breathing on his own though so that's good, he mustn't have breathed in that much water." They both looked up at the sounds of sirens blaring from above their heads, the ambulances had finally arrived. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Arianna stood in Fox's hospital room talking with his doctor and a social worker who had arrived from Boston when the doctor had mentioned that there was suspicion of child abuse within the family. "Well we found out that his Mother left on the boat early this morning for the Cape and has a room rented there for the weekend. His father may have been coming home later on--" "Don't be so sure," Arianna cut him off. "The guy rarely shows up at home and when he does he usually beats Fox half to death." "Fox has come in here before with more injuries than a child would normally incur by his own means," the doctor confirmed. "Would my husband and I be able to get custody of Fox?" Arianna asked the social worker. "I don't see why not," the social worker said. "Your husband has a good job, you've been a stay at home mother since your second child was born last November. It would also be better for Fox to be in an environment with familiar people, better than being in a foster home." The moan coming from the bed distracted them all. The three of them crowded around the bed, the doctor examining the large gauze bandage taped to Fox's forehead. They watched him wake up, his hazel eyes slowly coming back into focus. He looked around at them as the doctor made a check of the machines monitoring him. "Is it all right if I talk with him alone for a little bit?" Arianna asked. "I don't see why not," the doctor said. "Just keep the social worker right outside in case he tries to hurt himself again." "Okay, but I don't think that'll be necessary," Arianna said confidently. The doctor and social worker left and Arianna perched herself on the bed next to Fox. Fox's eyes followed her every movement until she began to speak. "Why'd you do it?" she asked him. His eyes stared at the opposite wall. "I was tired," he said, his voice raspy with disuse. "But she helped me," he continued, his voice dropping to a whisper. Arianna leaned in closer. "Who?" Fox looked towards the door. "You can't tell the social worker about this, he'll never believe me. But there was a woman out there, in the water, real pretty, with red hair. She said her name was Dana, and she helped me out of the water." He shut his eyes again, feeling the pain reliever the doctor put into his IV. Arianna stroked his forehead, skimming around the bandage. "I think you were just dreaming Fox. You got a pretty bad knock on the head there. That could make you hallucinate." Fox nodded, but he knew in his heart that it had really happened. As unreal as the whole thing was, it had been real. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX December, 1999 Mulder's Apartment. 3:25 a.m. Mulder sat bolt upright in his bed, breathing heavily at the realness of the dream. Since the time he had tried to kill himself when he was thirteen, he only dreamed of it a few times right after the event. He had recovered from it better than anyone had ever expected, especially after he went to live with his Aunt Arianna. But he had never dreamed of it from this point of view before. He'd never really known what had happened when they had found him lying on the beach, it wasn't something much talked about. Now, it seemed like he had an accurate picture of what had happened. He knew some of the facts were true, like Mark helping his aunt find Kemare Point, and Flora calling the ambulance for them. He figured that his brain could have been filling in some of the missing gaps in events with logical solutions, but it just seemed too realistic for that. It also filled in another piece he had previously forgotten about, something Aunt Arianna had managed to convince him was all in his head. He now remembered that the woman he had seen in the water all those years ago was Scully herself. She looked nearly identical to the way she did now. Mulder wondered why he had seen her back then, before he even knew her and the effect that she would have on his life. He knew, as he did then, that it was a real occurrence, not just something in his imagination. He would love to ask her if she ever remembered anything from her childhood like this. That though, was something he could do. He rolled over to face the person lying next to him in bed and shook her shoulder gently. Scully batted his hand out of the way and buried her head deeper into the pillow, all the while managing to stay asleep. Mulder leaned over further and kissed the outer edge of her ear. "C'mon Scully, wake up," he whispered. Finally she muttered, "What is it Mulder?" rather sleepily. He wrapped an arm around her waist. "Did you ever dream of the ocean when you were a kid, Scully?" he asked. Scully fully woke up at Mulder's out of place request. She turned to face him and ran a hand up his arm. "What's bringing this question on?" she asked him. Mulder shrugged. "I'm just curious. Did you ever have a dream where you were floating underwater with a lot of rocks around you and you were talking to someone, helping them out of the water?" She wrinkled her brow thoughtfully for a second, but then shook her head. "No, can't say I ever have. Why do you ask?" Mulder sighed and rested his head against Scully's shoulder. "It's a long story," he said. Scully rolled onto her back and settled Mulder's head more firmly against her shoulder. "We've got all night," she said. Mulder let out a half laugh, half sigh and wrapped his other arm around her waist. "Okay," he said. "Did you know I tried to kill myself when I was a kid?" He felt her body tense up at the surprise but she didn't move away, instead, her hand began to stroke the back of his head. "Yeah," he continued, "When I was thirteen, about a year and a half after Sam disappeared I jumped into the ocean, nearly drowned myself. I guess the waves pushed me back to shore, because the next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital with my aunt, a doctor, and a social worker standing over me. After that I went to live with my aunt, which was where I stayed until I graduated high school." "Well I have to say I'm glad you didn't succeed," Scully said, still stroking his head. "In the long run, so am I. But I also saw something then, while I was in the water. There was a woman there telling me that I wasn't going to go just yet. She looked exactly like you Scully. She even said her name was Dana. I just remembered that part tonight, in this dream I had." "And are you sure that it wasn't just a part of your dream?" Scully asked with a small smile on her face. Mulder looked up at her. "Positive. It really happened. I even told my aunt about it. Hell, I'll call her up in the morning and you can hear it from her," he said, smiling back at her. "Why though?" Scully asked. "Why would you be dreaming that you saw me, or someone who reminded you of me, long before we met?" "Psychic predictions?" Mulder joked. "Seriously though, it wasn't a dream. You were really there. But I also think I know why you were there." He shifted so that he could look down at her. "Remember I told you that you were my touchstone, my constant, who helped me back to reality. That's what you did then too. You helped me, helped me back to life. And I can't thank you enough for that." He leaned down and kissed her, brushing his lips sweetly against hers. Scully wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his body to rest on top of hers. She broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his. "Glad I could help," she whispered with a playful smile on her face. "So am I," Mulder grinned back. The End! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 'True love, it's the greatest thing in the world.' Miracle Max The Princess Bride XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 'Men will fight bravely and be heroes, but for a last ditch defense against any odds, get a mother.' Lightbringer High Wizardry XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX